There are times in life when some of us don’t realize that God is breaking new grounds in us to renew and release us from our old ways, life, etc. Instead, we see our pain and the valley we’re in as the destination, not the refinery process. During the COVID-19 Pandemic shut down from 2019 to early 2021, I was in my valley. How I got there seemed to have happened in a blink of an eye. However, after therapy and plenty of reflection and introspection, I understood that encountering my valley was destined to happen. It just so happened that my up close and personal experience came during the pandemic.
In retrospect (and now), I believe a higher power was forcing me to stop and recalibrate. Now, this is not something I’m used to doing. I’ve always been a high-achiever, moving at a fast pace, and with that comes the habit of constantly creating new goals and checking them off as I meet them. This new concept of slowing down, stopping what I was familiar with (even when it no longer served me), and getting still was challenging. And the more I fought it, my anxiety worsened. So much so I ended up in the emergency room about ten times, including Christmas Day of 2020. It was a very dark period for my family and me. I didn’t understand what was happening. I was medically healthy one moment, and suddenly, I kept showing up in the hospital, once by an ambulance. My anxiety was so bad that I developed gastritis and underwent an upper endoscopy procedure and further testing by other specialists. At this point, nothing could convince me that I wasn’t gravely ill, even though the doctors saw nothing alarming. The inside of my body ached in ways I never would’ve imagined. Again, the more I fought, the longer the pain and anxiety lasted.
I didn’t know my resistance to change would be so dark and physically painful. Letting go of the old without knowing what the new will look like is scary and challenging, but I felt free, renewed, and resurrected when I did (with the absence of my physical pain). The most difficult part of letting go wasn’t really about me; it was about the people I thought I would disappoint for not continuing what was once passionate to me (being a Bullying Expert) and what they knew about me. Each day I survived another panic attack, or when my anxiety lessened, I knew it was a sign of my effort of letting go, trusting, and accepting that I have to live for myself and not for others anymore. I arrived at this place with the support of my husband, family members, and friends. In this place, I also embraced quietness so that my faith will continue to grow through meditation, prayers, journaling, reading, and my routine walks and exercises.
Fast-forward to my revelation. The birthing of House of Divine Styling, LLC came during those dark hours a year ago. One early morning (around 5 am) on my road to healing, as I was tossing and thinking, I took a moment to quiet my restless soul to receive the answer to a question I asked before. “What does my next look like…?” The answer resonated with me because it was a passion I recognized as a teenager. So, at 39 (at the time), when the sudden idea revisited me, it reignited the fire to become a Fashion Stylist. And this was when I fully got up and made it on the other side of my valley. Everything lit up in me; I was glowing and started beaming from within each time I thought about this new vision. I held on to it, and today, I am the CEO of House of Divine Styling, LLC, where “helping women look and feel their best at work” is the mission. Although I’m at the beginning stages of my new company and business, I’m trusting it’ll grow into how it’s divinely intended.
This is my testimony.